Expectations & Standards

Do you remember when adults set expectations and standards (E&S) for children. Children living up to E&S was much more of a priority than equitable results in life. The adults in our lives had the idea that setting high E&S for their children and making sure their children lived up to them would give us the best chance to succeed. Our parents knew they could not be there 24 hours a day to hold us to those standards, so they depended on other adults. When I was very young, I spent a lot of time with very close friends and their parents. I knew, because I spent so much time with a couple of friends, that their parents had been given, by my parents, the full rights and privileges to do whatever it took to hold me to the E&S my parents had set, and those parents had given my parents those same rights and privileges to deal with their sons. We all knew that, so when we were at each other's houses, we always knew there was a belt that could be used on us there just like there was at home. That belt didn't scare us as much as the one at home we would get if those parents had to discipline us while we were at their house, the thought of that was horror movie scary. For me, and most of my friends, we dealt with that all the way through our adolescent years. I knew if I did something at school or anywhere else that got back to my dad from another adult, I would have very little opportunity to argue a defense because my dad believed I should not even get myself into a position of being questioned. I remember one time a girlfriend broke up with me and I was not handling it well, I wasn't meeting E&S, so her dad sat me down and had a private conversation with me. He did not holler or physically threaten me, he just reminded me of who I was supposed to be, he talked about E&S and he gave me very wise counsel, but at the end of the conversation he pulled out the biggest weapon of all with one question, "David, are you and I good with each other or do I need to call Charles Coker?" That was him being part of the team that made sure I lived up to the E&S Charles and Betty Coker had set for me. I will never forget that conversation, nor will I ever find anybody I respect more than the man who had that conversation with me. Many times, I have failed to be the person I am supposed to be, and I believe I have probably failed more than I have succeeded at meeting the E&S my parents set for me, but I can't imagine how bad I would be if I would have been raised in a time when expectations and standards were considered to be closed-minded relics of the past. I can't imagine what kind of person I would be if I did not live in a time when the words "do I need to call Charles Coker" did not stop me in my tracks and make me hyperventilate a little. During that time in our lives the adults acted as a team, with the goal of keeping all of us heading in the right direction. Not every adult was a part of the team but those that were on the team were mighty warriors. Do you remember the team of adults in your life? Wouldn't it be great if the whole nation brought that time back.